It’s the only one you do have the power to change. So bringing up old disagreements during a fight simply makes your partner feel trapped and helpless.ĭrop what’s been and gone and try focussing on the present issue causing your relationship conflict. If there’s one thing we all have in common, it’s that none of us can change the past. What was really just a niggle becomes a massive issue spanning our entire relationship. If we do this every time we fight about something, it creates the snowball effect. We are upset they didn’t congratulate us on a recent win at work, so we bring up a time a year ago they didn’t seem to care about a promotion. Caught up in a relationship conflict and sensing we are losing, we go for the kill by bringing in another similar ‘crime’ our partner has committed in the past. You’ll be amazed at how much they might open up to you, given the gift of your undivided attention. Try repeating what they are saying in your head, and putting all your focus on your partner. What’s the hurry? Slow down and do that one magical thing we all tend to forget about when we enter the conflict zone - listen.Īnd really listen, not just with half of your brain as the other half manically plots what you are going to say next. We talk over each other, interrupt, and spar to get our arguments in. Once relationship conflict starts it can be like floodgates have opened. Here are seven things to drop now from relationship conflict, to create room for real communication and ways forward. It’s actually more a case of what NOT to do. So what do we do when we have a conflict on repeat in our relationship? 7 Things to stop now if you want to save your relationship Instead, we end up exhausted, and cut off from the very person we want to feel close to. Playing out the same relationship conflict again and again? It’s as if we think the more we fight about something, the more our chances of finding answers.
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